The life and times of Yomiko Hino
by Masakisseu
Summary: A highschool fic. Part of entry 2: When Naruto stopped his beating, the yellow 'food blob' crawled under a table. Sakura, one of the popular girls coughhussiecough, screamed.
1. Chapter 1

Hey ya'll! Pinky P. here with a story, hot off the presses, called 'The life and times of Yomiko Hino'. It was inspired by 'The Sarah Silverman Program' on Comedy Central. I hope you like it!

Chapter 1: The Blob

Entry 1:

My language arts teacher, Ms. Kurenai must be out of her mind! She gave the class journals to write in everyday! I hate journals! Nothing good ever happens to me! Well, I'll try, so... I should introduce myself first, I'm Yomiko Hino. I'm sixteen years old and a junior at Konoha High School. I'm not popular, not socially invisible either nor am I a geek. I guess I'm just normal. Well, that's all I feel like writing today. Buh-bye!

Yomiko

P.S. Kiba Inuzuka asked me out today. He was like 'Hey, Hino, want to hang out friday night?' and I was like 'Okay, what time?' and he was like 'How about six?' and I was like 'Sure' and he was like 'Cool' and then he walked away. It was awesome! He's an eight on the one to ten 'hot scale.' Well, that's pretty much it all.

Entry 2:

So, it's Wednesday and my best friend Naruto Uzumaki and I are chillin' in the school cafeteria, picking at our food as usual.

"What the hell do you think it is?" Asked Naruto poking the big yellow blob the school called food: with his fork.

"No clue, but I think Ayame said it was corn." Said I (I thought 'Said I' would sound smart.)

I picked up my fork and stabbed into it. Whatever the hell it was it shrieked and gurgled. I screamed while Naruto beat it with a bat he happened to have in his backpack.

"Don't kill it!" I screamed. "It's a living thing!" I really should be an Animal Rights Activist.

When Naruto stopped his beating, the yellow 'food blob' crawled under a table. Sakura, one of the popular girls (coughhussiecough), screamed.

"Oh my god! Somethings crawling up my leg!"

Everyone laughed, except Naruto (he had a huge crush on her) who naively grabbed her thigh and pulled the blob off. Sakura then beat him up. Mr. Kakashi, the science teacher, walked in to see what was going on and saw the blob crawling away from us. He then used his lightning blade jutsu to kill it. I cried when the blob laid motionless. The poor thing...

Yomiko

P.S: I noticed Naruto looked a little peeved when I told him about Kiba. Was he jealous? I felt a pang of slight guilt, but if he did like me he would chase after me instead of Sakura.

Yomiko

Entry 3:

It's Friday and I'm freaking out about my date with Kiba. It'll be my first date ever! I haven't even gone to the library with a boy, besides Naruto.

"Hey, mom," I called to my mom , Tara Hino. ", how do you kiss dad? Do you breathe? Is it open mouth? Do you french kiss? Do you make out? Does he touch your butt?"

She turned to me from her boiling water on the stove. "Yes. Yes and open mouth and frenching are the same thing. Sometimes and not always. Why?"

"Because my date with Kiba is tonight and he wants to kiss me I want to know how to kiss him." I said.

My dad, Taro Hino, popped out of nowhere. "Have my ears deceived me?" He said. "My little girl is going on her first date?"

I nodded. "Yeah, with Kiba Inuzuka."

"Don't women in the Inuzuka clan get pregnant early?" Mom asked.

Dad straitened his glasses like the mad scientist he was. "Why, yes, mating season is around age eighteen for them."

"Don't worry, guys." I said. "I'm waiting until I'm married!" I smiled proudly.

"Waiting?!" Dad shouted. "For what?! I'm not getting any younger and your mother definatly isn't! We need grandchildren now to carry on the Hino clan's legacy of..." He grinned. "...bakeries!" (dad was the owner of 'Hino's sweets and treats' bakery next to the ramen shop and a secret mad scientist on the side).

Mom and I did an anime fall.

"What kind of role model are you?!" Mom shouted, hitting Dad on the head.

The doorbell rang, mom was still beating dad.

"That's Kiba." I said, smoothing out my blouse and skirt and opened the door. I was greeted by Kiba's giant dog, Akamaru, who barked at me.

"Hi, Akamaru." I said, petting him.

Kiba hopped off of Akamaru's back. "Hey, Yomiko." He said, grinning that sexy grin at me.

"H-hi!" I practically shouted. I mentally kicked myself for that.

He looked at me then at my brawling parents. Why would you tell or daughter to get pregnant at eighteen?!" Tara yelled, twisting Taro's leg.

"Pregnant at eighteen?" Said Taro. "Oh no, dearest I meant now!" This excuse only made mom beat him harder.

I closed the door behind me. "Let's go."

The date went pretty well. I didn't kiss Kiba though. It just didn't feel right to kiss on the first date.

Yomiko

Entry 4:

I remember when Naruto and I buried the blob last Wednesday. Sasuke and Neji made fun of us for it.

"What are you two losers doing today?" Asked Sasuke, walking up to us. Sakura was clinging to his arm and he was trying to push her off. But, she was like a little Velcro migit.

"Burying the blob." Said Naruto, digging a small hole in the ground.

"Why?" Asked Sakura.

"What are you two doing today?" Asked Neji, as he walked up to us. Well, at least he didn't say 'losers', but he just probably forgot to say it.

"Burying the blob." Said Naruto, putting the blob in a shoebox.

"Why?" I repeated Sakura's question. "Because if you were a scared, ugly,...billboard head in blob's world, you wouldn't want to die would you? If you someone screamed at the mere sight of you, you would be sad, right? Well, we did all of those things to blob, so the least we could do is give him a proper burial."

They all looked down, execpt Sasuke, who sneered and Neji, who glared.

I miss the blob...

Still sad, Yomiko.

Well? Did you like it? I expect lots of reviews. Long or short. Comment or flame. I really don't care, it's just rewarding to get a review.


	2. Chapter 2

Hey, y'all! I want to thank all of you who updated (gives cookies to updater's). I know I probably lost a lot of you guys because I haven't updated since LAST YEAR, I'll try to post the chapters faster. But, for now, Yomiko!

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Chapter 2: Cute?

Entry 5:

A boy called me cute today. I can't say the same about him. He had a weird soup bowl haircut and big, weird, eyes. He told me I was the cutest girl in school. I've been called cute before, but only by mom, dad, and perverts like Vice Principal Jiraiya. Anyway, the boy asked me out, which flattered me to point of blushing because even though I didn't know his name I knew he was a seventeen year old senior here. Yay! I attract seniors and Kiba! I told him I had a boyfriend, but thanked him anyway. He looked sad for a minute and had a 'Oh why can't I get a girlfriend?' look on his face, but then he smiled at me and said.

"Well, at least I finally conjured the strength to tell you how I feel. Gai-sensei would be proud!" He then ran off. "I have to tell him!" I later learned his name was Rock Lee from Naruto.

"Hey, Naruto." I said, while I was sitting under a tree with Naruto after school. "Am I cute?"

He grinned. "No, not really…"

My eyes turned into sad puppy dog eyes. "Why would you say that-"

"-you're pretty." He finished.

I was baffled. "Pretty what?"

He shook his head. "No, **pretty**! Hinata's what you'd call cute, but you're pretty."

"Aw, thanks, Naruto."

"No problem! Hinata's cute, you're pretty, and my Sakura's beautiful!"

My eye twitched. No he didn't…just say that flat chested, billboard head, Sakura was prettier than I was. I'm going to end it here because it gets very violent next.

The pretty Yomiko

Entry 6:

My breasts has gotten bigger, only a little, but it's noticeable. Why I would dedicate an entry to this is beyond me, but my mom told me I should write about it because is was a _BIG_ moment in my life. Of course, she was joking... I hope... My parents are so weird. It was a very unexpected growth spurt and I prayed no one would notice, but when Vice Principal Jiraiya shouted 'Yee-yeah baby!' at me I knew the jig was up. I didn't think Naruto noticed, but then I saw him sneaking peaks at my chest every now and then.

"Do you have a question for my breasts?" I asked him, upset.

"Uh, yeah." He said. "How do you get so big?" He asked.

I hit him in his shoulder.

In class I felt stares if jealousy stabbing into my back from the other girls, especially from Sakura, who had no boobs whatsoever. When I passed Lee, Neji, and Tenten in the hallway, Lee blushed cherry red, Neji got a nosebleed, and Tenten gasped, even her breasts weren't that big. So, it's official. It's the worst day of my life!

Yomiko

P.S: Kiba said it was sexy, but I still hate how big they are.

Entry 7:

We have two new transfer students and new math and art teachers from Suna high school, Sabaku no Gaara, Sabaku no Temari, Sabaku no Kankuro, and Mr. Baki, our new math teacher. Gaara is my age, but I think Kankuro was held back a year because he's eighteen. Temari is going to be the new art teacher, but since she's a collage student and needs to study we have art class only on Monday's, Thursday's, and Friday's. Principal Tsunade asked me to greet the new students and show them around the school.

"Hello, I'm Yomiko Hino. Allow me to show you around our school." I said to my reflection in the mirror. I sighed loudly. "No, too serious and formal. Those boys will think I'm a geek." I inhaled. "Hey, I'm Yomiko Hino. Let me show you around the school." I shook my head. "No! I sound like a valley girl, like a total flirt!" I inhaled once more. "Hi, I'm Yomiko Hino. It's nice to meet you. Let me show you around the school….That's good, I think."

"It is good." A voice said from behind me.

I turned around and saw an older girl with spiky blonde hair in four ponytails come out of a stall and wash her hands.

"You're Sabaku no Temari, right?" I asked.

"Yep." She said. "I'm assuming you're Yomiko Hino?"

"Yeah." I smiled, sheepishly.

"Hey, Temari!" A male voice yelled. "What's takin' you so long?!"

Temari rolled her eyes. "That's Kankuro." She said. "He and Gaara are waiting. Come on."

So, the tour went pretty smoothly. Gaara seemed a little distant, but lightened up a bit when I told them about the blob. It was like he knew how the blob felt. Kankuro kept flirting with me and eying my boobs, but Temari stopped him. She told him she'd bash his head in if he didn't stop.

The friendly Yomiko

Entry 8:

Kiba and I went on another date today. At the end of the date he wanted me to meet his family. If I remember correctly, he had eight brothers, six sisters, seven uncles, and ten aunts. He's got a big family!

Yomiko

Entry 9:

Sasuke and I are partners for a Health class project, which means every teacher in Konoha High must officially hate me because Naruto and I are usually partners for everything, but his partner is Sakura (who, may I add, I hate because she's been telling that the cookies I make have tasted like cat litter ever since we were twelve). The assignment is taking care of an egg, like a baby. Ms. Shizune said if we break it we get an 'F'. I say if we break it we get another one out of the refrigerator and she'll never know. But the school symbol is printed on the eggs, so she will know. So, Sasuke and I are supposed to act like parents to the egg.

"What do we do now?" Asked Sasuke, as I put the egg in a blanket. "Why'd you do that?"

I looked at him while cradling the egg. "She's our baby right?" I said. "She needs to be in a blanket." I put the egg on my bed.

"It's just an egg." He said. "And what makes you think that my child is going to be a she?"

"Just an egg?!" I shouted. "This egg was originally a chickens baby. Now it our baby. So, the blanket stays **and** since I'm the mommy, I say what gender it is and it's a she and her name is Katrina!"

"Who died and made you queen?"

"No one died, I made myself queen of this castle, mister!"

"Well, I'm king and I say it's a boy and his name is Akito!"

"Hah ah! I got you to name it!"

Sasuke glared at me. I glared at him. We were so busy glaring at each other we didn't notice my cat, Benita, hop on the bed and nock over the egg. I gasped as Sasuke quickly caught the egg before it hit the ground.

"That was close…" He said, giving the egg to me.

I gasped. "Sasuke," I said. "This is a sign!"

He looked confused. "What?"

"We're fighting! We can't fight around our child!"

"What do we do then? We hate each other."

I set Katrina on my desk, away from Benita. "We should fight in another room." I said.

Sasuke shrugged. "Okay."

So, we went into the living room, argued, cursed each other out, threatened divorce and taking custody of Katrina, and stormed out. Jeez, being married is hard work.

Mrs. Yomiko Hino-Uchiha

Yomiko's an odd teenager... Don't you think? She was so self-consious about her breast's, but I don't blame her. Boys can be so predictable when it comes to boobs and girls can get really jealous. One time, my friend and I were walking to the store and we walked past a guy, he turned to her and said "Nice tits!". She was so embarrassed! Just like Yomiko was when Jiraiya shouted "Yee-yeah baby!". But Yomiko's cute that way! Well, see ya! (gives out cookies to my readers, just 'cause I'm nice)


End file.
